Outtakes

by Brooke on September 18, 2009

The fallen nature of Sunday’s puffed pancake breakfastgot me thinking about a few of my worst food photo shoots.*When you’re creating pastries from scratch, you’re bound to bake up a few beauties.Then, of course, there are some serious doozies.I realized how rarely I’ve fessed up to my failures.And felt it time to accept a full disclosure statement.*After all, some of you {darling dearests} cook my recipes.While some of them turn out beautifully, life-changingly delectablish.It’s only fair to warn you…There’s a whole archive that will whisper to you otherwise.*(above, the Risen Molasses Apple Bread which inspired son, Andrew to come home from school and exclaim, “Mom. What was that bread you sent my sandwich on today? I took one bite then had to run to the garbage can and spit it out so I wouldn’t throw up.” There is nothing so fulfilling as having your children truly appreciate your creative cooking.)

Take, for instance thisWhole-Wheat Ultimate Apple Pie
concieved one Sunday afternoon while the children and I were in the throes of our Sugar-Free Summer. I felt confident we could create a fantastically thin, flaky crust with 100% whole wheat and sweeten the mounds of granny smith apples with pure maple-syrup.
It all started so well.
The crust rolled flat. We cut pretty shapes from it. The apples piled on top of each other like a mountain of crescent moons having a sleepover in a metal tin. It baked. We breathed. Soon. Soon we would taste the inklings of sugar. It had been so long since we’d touched our lips to dessert.
Fifty minutes later, the pie was pulled from the oven amidst a puff of white smoke.The crust was burnt.The apples were still crunchy.The finished product was not photo worthy.But, we gathered around that pathetic pastry and ate it like wildebeasts in the wild.

These Triple-Berry Sunflower Seed Maple Trail Mix Bars were also created during the No Sugar Summer. Blast that No-Sugar summer.Despite the lack of the granulated good stuff, I love how these bars turned out.They’re pretty aren’t they?Yeah, about as pretty on your tongue as a sandpaper cocktail dress.

My original idea for the cheeky Cherry Cupcake-Off, was an abomination of massive proportions. It also made son, Andrew “want to throw up.” Aye caramba.

Dark Chocolate, Candied Ginger & Dried Cherries with a Bittersweet Mousse.

Seriously, now. What’s not to love?

(Okay, maybe the pumice-stone texture and color of moose manure.)

Then, there were these outtakes from the Banana Split Cupcake post.I saw that bobbly red ric-rac at the fabric store and imagined it would make the cutest garnish for the cupcake cups.When it was all said and done, I thought it looked frighteningly risque.Reminded me somehow of a cheesy burlesque dancer, working her routine on the laminate tables of an ice-cream joint. Euguuh. I shudder to consider the ramifications on the dairy industry.

These Sleek Sugar Cookies were made when new neighbors arrived in the house across the street. They looked cute. They tasted cute. I adored the idea. But something about that rainbow background underneath had me thinking I’d need to wear leg warmers and a side-ponytail from here on out. Work it Madonna.

You must be my Lucky Star’, Cause you shine on me wherever you are….

Before Abby’s Fundraiser, I thunk up the brilliant idea to make HomeWhipped FacePaint. Really, it’s just a bizzare combination of cornstarch, food coloring, and enough petroleum jelly to clog up thirteen arteries and a small horse. We mixed it, photo’ed it, then tucked it away until the morning of the bake sale. When we pulled it from the waiting place, it had bubbled and warped into a sponge-like mixture. I suggested the girls could mold it into coloured warts then press the blobs onto customer’s faces. Who needs face-painting when you can have face-warting for the same price?

(Many of you have asked how Abby is doing. Thank you so much for your continued support. She’s had a rough go of it lately, but is still fighting hard against the cancer. Her dad has been posting updates on her website. You can find the most recent HERE. We’re definitely not done supporting this remarkable girl! Stay tuned for the latest on Abby’s Bake Sale!)

The above hideous creature was created for my sons summer crush–iSexy. The cake was tailor-suited to her 11-year-old passions: Hershey’s Almond Bars, the beach, and boys–er–I mean, books. It was dreamy-delicious. Only problem? We were on vacation and I’d made the massive mistake of not packing the battery charger for my good camera. Note to self: NEVER forget to back the battery charger again. The old point-and-shoot is plum frightening. Plum. Frightening.

Sometimes outtakes occur when a perfectly good recipe finds it’s way onto a perfectly bad background. For your consideration, I present the above photo of the

MaryBerry Mascarpone Cups

which were thankfully upgraded from a hideous plastic-checker picnic when a quick color change turned them into perwinkle perfection. Phew. You can oogle the actual post is HERE.

*****

With all these failures, I can hear you collectively asking, “Why go on, Brooke? Whyever do you stay true to an art that is so fickle?”

Well, my friends. It’s for my children. Daughter, Cissy has shown budding promise as a food blogger and I could never live with myself if I stopped now. Let her down. Dashed her dreams of being in the Food Photo Olympics 2020–or you know–the inside back cover of Family Circle. Here, for your enjoyment, are some of her best blogging photos:

*Food and family. It’s why I press on.

Posted in Lunch, Quips and Quirks

12 comments »

12 Responses to “Outtakes”

1

rachel on September 18, 2009 at 11:19 am Reply

Thanks for sharing the outtakes!
2

Iliana on September 18, 2009 at 11:42 am Reply

Wow, not only are you my children's idol (seeing's how I stink at baking), but you've got awesome hair! I love it!
3

Snooky doodle on September 18, 2009 at 1:31 pm Reply

Ha you really cracked me up with your son s reaction :) these creations look delicious pity not all of them tasted that awesome
4

Rachelle @ "Mommy? I'm Hungry!" on September 18, 2009 at 2:57 pm Reply

I was going to say 1. that sandwich looks SOOO good! 2. that looks like homemade bread =)

Kids are always so honest aren't they?
5

Heather on September 18, 2009 at 3:17 pm Reply

This post has made me what to delurke!

Hi, my name is Heather and I love your blog!

Oh…and I am John's cousin (Dan's little sister). Shereece passed on your website and I have loved reading, drooling on the keyboard and getting to know you!

Hooray for cupcakes!!
6

michelle on September 18, 2009 at 5:16 pm Reply

Thanks for sharing! It reminds me that people like you still mess up! haha. I think all of it still looks fantastic!
7

Lisa on September 18, 2009 at 6:51 pm Reply

You are so funny and I LOVE all your photos.
8

Anonymous on September 18, 2009 at 8:08 pm Reply

You helped me end my night with some good chuckles!
9

Jaime on September 18, 2009 at 9:04 pm Reply

What a great idea for a post, Brooke. I love the picture of you and Alyssa, you cuties!
Hope you are doing well!
10

*~Petra~* on September 19, 2009 at 10:46 am Reply

Nice to know that fabulous people like yourself are human. BTW… that cake looks fab. I could eat that up right now… :)
11

kristi on September 20, 2009 at 5:09 pm Reply

you are just pretty much amazing! thank you for all the lovely photos and recipes.
12

Diana on September 21, 2009 at 9:38 am Reply

Oh, it is so refreshing to know that everyone has outtake moments in the kitchen, even super talented ones like you. Thank you for a good giggle1