God and Ugly Soup

Thursday already, and I’ve posted just a single time this week.

I’ve been terribly distracted. Have you seen it? Noticed it? Yeah you did. You’re observant like that.

Here’s the problem. I had the finest plan this week to whip up cinnamon bread and ginger-carrot soup. Oh, and the lovliest Thai Peanut Chicken pizza. But decided instead to curl across the covers of my bed and read. Read and read. It’s all I’ve been doing lately.

Well that, and making carrot soup. Which tasted as ugly as it looks. I was so busy reading, I over cooked the carrots and tossed in much too much cumin. The end result was crap nasty and I won’t have you blending up a batch in your kitchen.

Why all the reading you ask? It’s this small matter of God, you see.

Growing up Mormon, I’ve always had answers about God. Lots of them. In deep specifics. Then, life decided to get all up  in my bidness and teach me a few fine points (namely that people everywhere are incredible and good, that life is a blissfully beautiful creative web and maybe not quite the tightrope I’d always been taught it was, and gay best friends are among the finest people on the planet) and suddenly I have questions. Because I think God is much, much bigger than I’ve been giving Him credit for. And I love Him dearly and want to understand Him in all his magnificence.

So now the food blogger is drawing longs baths and sitting in them until they cool around her, craving Catholic masses and Quaker meetings, and begging everyone around me to tell me everything they know about the Big Man in the Sky.

It’s disconcerting, asking the questions which have plagued our people for centuries. It’s incredible, having questions, feeling small, packing your bags every morning for a journey on which you hope to fill bags with sufficiently rich answers.

For us, that journey will take us into the heart of where this all started. Our family will move to Utah within the month, down the street from my husbands vibrant, beloved, tenderhearted parents.  We’ll be surrounded by cousins and sisters and brothers and a slew of new friends. We’ll leave behind so much of what we’ve learned to love here in Colorado. It’s a sacrifice, but one I’m willing to make.

Because good questions deserve lots of attention. And answers are worth sacrifices.

Just ask my garbage disposal, down which I sacrificed two bowls of carrot soup. All I wanted for lunch was to read anyway.


Ugly Soup


5 carrots
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 onion
1 tablespoon cumin
2 cups chicken broth
1 teaspoon fresh tarragon
1/4 cup crumbled goat cheese
1/4 cup bacon bits


Roast the carrots and onion in olive oil until over cooked. Toss in a blender with cumin and chicken broth.

Dump the soup down the drain with the tarragon and goat cheese. Much on bacon bits for lunch while reading something splendid.

16 Responses to “God and Ugly Soup”

  1. Enjoy the searching journey. May you find the answers you are looking for. I parallel you in your journey to find answers about God. I’m at home engrossed in another book about God and his awesome power! Thanks for having the courage to share your journey with us. Take care and good luck with moving!


  2. Adri says:

    We will miss having you here in the Springs, but are glad you are flying into the arms of family who love you so! I’ve been praying for you and hope your heart finds comfort and your mind, peace.

  3. Amy says:

    I love that you posted the recipe anyway!!!! You’re awesome! But I am confused about one thing, are you questioning being Mormon?(not that it’s my business, but obviously I’m asking anyway) or just trying to see how everyone fits? And I mean that with zero judgement so no one yell at me!!! Or just trying to know Him better? Maybe you were vague on purpose, or maybe I’m dense as usual! Ha ha. Love ya!

  4. Katie says:

    Love your honesty and openness! I’m cracking up over the name of your soup, which you didn’t like, but posted anyway. ;) LOL

    Read on, fellow searcher!

  5. Donna says:

    Good luck on your Quest. Unfortunately you won’t find a ton of openmindness here in Utah. But there are some openminded people and hopefully you can find them and have deep discussions with them about all the things you want to know. Hopefully you’ll be posting some yummy dessert recipes to comfort you in your search!

  6. I grew up Mormon too. Bishop’s kid and all that. Am now married to a pastor of a non denominational church – we play rock music and wear jeans to church – and I know God better today than I ever did before. He is SO BIG and SO GOOD.

    And the grace of God I have come to know…to really KNOW…still kind of blows my mind.

    So…I think I maybe know a little bit about where you’re at. It’s not an easy place to be, but I happen to think asking questions and looking for answers is always good. You may be surprised.

  7. STH says:

    All the best to you, Brooke, and I hope you find what you’re looking for. My search led me to atheism many years ago and, while it isn’t easy to be an atheist in America (and I suspect it’s doubly hard in Utah!), I’ve stuck to what I know to be true. I believe in the wonders of the world and the possibilities in human beings; that’s enough for me.

  8. Amy says:

    I just moved to Colorado and had a huge friend fantasy wherein we would move into your ward and meet and instantly become BFFs and my cool factor would quadruple just getting to hang out with you and I’d find out just exactly what kind of paints your kids used in that canvas modgepodge project so I could have my kids make some! And now UTAH? Stupid Utah. They are stealing my BFF.

  9. Diana says:

    I appreciate your candor! I’m also excited to hear of your move to Utah. I’ve thought a lot about your sweet family over the last month hoping and praying that peace would find you! Something I learned while studying abroad is the purpose of religion is to make good people better – I believe that of all religion. God is everywhere. In this life If you are looking for Him, He can be found. It’s the next life that so many of us discredit. You have the answers to that, my friend. Wishing you all the best – and hoping you will come teach a cooking class at my house someday. (We moved to Utah. I came kicking and screaming and now LOVE it!) As for the soup…;)

  10. Melissa says:

    I think I speak for all the open minded in Utah (many of which have been on the very same quest you are speaking of, all of us ending in different places emotionally, but better for it), we are here and it isn’t as hard as people seem to think it is. If you are just feeling more open minded than some of the mormon’s around you (it’s easy to get lost in the most strict of ideas), or really wondering about your place in that whole thing, I KNOW there are people out there who understand and feel, or have felt what you are going through. It isn’t easy anywhere because it’s a new world once you change the way you see things but it is always worth it for the surety in that you will have when you are done. No matter what you find is right for you. Good luck and much love. (generally a stalker but had to comment :) my husband and I are both Utahn’s who have been there once upon a time in our younger years).

  11. Betsy says:

    Ah, a sister searcher. I grew up in a strict, fundamentalist Christian church. And I *knew* who God was, for sure. But then…like you…life happened. And gay people weren’t something to be avoided like the plague. And bad things happen for no possible reason. And I watched a mama of 5 die way too soon. And a million other things. And all of a sudden I wasn’t sure I knew God at all – and sometimes I wasn’t sure HE remembered my name. But I do think the search, the questions, the longing to know things…it’s all quite healthy, much more so than just concretely making up your mind one way or the other with no research done to back it up. Does that make sense? I hope so. *Hugs* to you – search on, and I wish you joy and peace for the journey. :-)

    • Brooke says:

      Oh, Betsy. It makes perfect sense. Having the questions, and finding the answers has been one of the most painful, most beautiful, most humbling times of my whole life. I wouldn’t change who I am now for who I was before I realized I didn’t have all the answers. Bless you, darling. You have a sister in me. ;)

  12. Ask God to reveal Himself to you. Keep your eyes open and He will show you Himself in a personal way. My prayers are with you and your family.

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